Showing posts with label computer jokes. Show all posts
Showing posts with label computer jokes. Show all posts

Monday 19 November 2012

How To View Someone's IP and Speed - Epic

Well wanna laugh the whole day? Then, check out the video I found today on google. Don't even try to hold your laugh while watching this video because that's gonna cause a serious mental disorder :P. Before starting, I would suggest you to read Wikipedia entry about traceroute if you don't know about traceroute(Believe me if you understand english, you'll get what it is).





Myself, been laughing the whole day. :P


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Wednesday 29 February 2012

Some Funny IRC Chat Logs Ever

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Wednesday 15 February 2012

Best Programming and Computer Quotes and Sayings

Few weeks ago, I was tweeting a lot of programming quotes and sayings I was reading elsewhere in different websites. I thought why not post all those fantastic cool and funny quotes about computer and programming here so here comes this new blog post. Come and read this quotes once you have finished the overloaded tiresome session of writing technologies :D.

Open source is not communism because it does not force people. --Eric S Raymond in Revolution OS

Wozniak designed Apple II. Ken designed Lisa. Jef Raskin designed Macintosh. Sanders designed Apple III. What did Jobs design? Nothing.

Real programmers don't code in BASIC. Actually, no programmers code in BASIC after reaching puberty.

Saying that Java is nice because it works on all OSs is like saying that anal sex is nice because it works on all genders.

"I won't program in java anymore. I'm not Marxist and don't believe in classes." --phluid

Knowing what not to use is far better than knowing what to use in programming languages.

A professional programmer is an amateur who never quits. --Morendil

“If debugging is the process of removing software bugs, then programming must be the process of putting them in.” – E. Dijkstra

Any fool can write code that a computer can understand. Good programmers write code that humans can understand. -Martin Fowler

One man’s crappy software is another man’s full time job.

The best thing about a boolean is: even if you are wrong, you are only off by a bit.

A documented bug is not a bug; it is a feature.

C++, where friends can access your privates.

"It's hard enough to find an error in your code when you're looking for it; it's even harder when you've assumed your code is error-free." - Steve McConnell

"The first 90% of the code accounts for the first 90% of the development time. The remaining 10% of the code accounts for the other 90% of the development time." - Tom Cargill

"Most software today is very much like an Egyptian pyramid with millions of bricks piled on top of each other, with no structural integrity, but just done by brute force and thousands of slaves." - Alan Kay

Amazon became no.1 shopping site coz in the days b4 search giant Google existed,Yahoo would list the sites in their directory alphabetically

"I’ve finally learned what ‘upward compatible’ means. It means we get to keep all our old mistakes."

There are two ways of constructing a software design. One way is to make it so simple that there are obviously no deficiencies. And the other way is to make it so complicated that there are no obvious deficiencies.

There are only two kinds of programming languages: those people always bitch about and those nobody uses.

Windows NT addresses 2 Gigabytes of RAM, which is more than any application will ever need. --Microsoft Corporation in 1992 :D


Please contribute some you know or you've heard recently :D



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Tuesday 15 November 2011

Stupidity Of Script Kiddie, IRC Transcript

I read this somewhere in the internet a while ago, had it saved in my disk and today I read it again. And I could not stop myself from Lol'ing. So I thought to share this here as well. Read this and you will find it very very funny.

* bitchchecker (~java@euirc-a97f9137.dip.t-dialin.net) Quit (Ping timeout#)
* bitchchecker (~java@euirc-61a2169c.dip.t-dialin.net) has joined #stopHipHop
<bitchchecker> why do you kick me
<bitchchecker> can't you discus normally
<bitchchecker> answer!
<Elch> we didn't kick you
<Elch> you had a ping timeout: * bitchchecker (~java@euirc-a97f9137.dip.t-dialin.net) Quit
(Ping timeout#)
<bitchchecker> what ping man
<bitchchecker> the timing of my pc is right
<bitchchecker> i even have dst
<bitchchecker> you banned me
<bitchchecker> amit it you son of a bitch
<HopperHunter|afk> LOL
<HopperHunter|afk> shit you're stupid, DST^^
<bitchchecker> shut your mouth WE HAVE DST!
<bitchchecker> for two weaks already
<bitchchecker> when you start your pc there is a message from windows that DST is applied.
<Elch> You're a real computer expert
<bitchchecker> shut up i hack you
<Elch> ok, i'm quiet, hope you don't show us how good a hacker you are ^^
<bitchchecker> tell me your network number man then you're dead
<Elch> Eh, it's 129.0.0.1
<Elch> or maybe 127.0.0.1
<Elch> yes exactly that's it: 127.0.0.1 I'm waiting for you great attack
<bitchchecker> in five minutes your hard drive is deleted
<Elch> Now I'm frightened
<bitchchecker> shut up you'll be gone
<bitchchecker> i have a program where i enter your ip and you're dead
<bitchchecker> say goodbye
<Elch> to whom?
<bitchchecker> to you man
<bitchchecker> buy buy
<Elch> I'm shivering thinking about such great Hack0rs like you
* bitchchecker (~java@euirc-61a2169c.dip.t-dialin.net) Quit (Ping timeout#)
* bitchchecker (~java@euirc-b5cd558e.dip.t-dialin.net) has joined #stopHipHop
<bitchchecker> dude be happy my pc crashed otherwise you'd be gone
<Metanot> lol
<Elch> bitchchecker: Then try hacking me again... I still have the same IP: 127.0.0.1
<bitchchecker> you're so stupid man
<bitchchecker> say buy buy
<Metanot> ah, [Please control your cussing] off
<bitchchecker> buy buy elch
* bitchchecker (~java@euirc-b5cd558e.dip.t-dialin.net) Quit (Ping timeout#)
* bitchchecker (~java@euirc-9ff3c180.dip.t-dialin.net) has joined #stopHipHop
<bitchchecker> elch you son of a bitch
<Metanot> bitchchecker how old are you?
<Elch> What's up bitchchecker?
<bitchchecker> you have a frie wal
<bitchchecker> fire wall
<Elch> maybe, i don't know
<bitchchecker> i'm 26
<Metanot> such behaviour with 26?
<Elch> how did you find out that I have a firewall?
<Metanot> tststs this is not very nice missy
<bitchchecker> because your gay fire wall directed my turn off signal back to me
<bitchchecker> be a man turn that shit off
<Elch> cool, didn't know this was possible.
<bitchchecker> then my virus destroys your pc man
<Metanot> are you hacking yourselves?
<Elch> yes bitchchecker is trying to hack me
<Metanot> he bitchchecker lame if you're a hacker you have to get around a firewall even i can do that
<bitchchecker> yes man i hack the elch but the sucker has a fire wall the
<Metanot> what firewall do you have?
<bitchchecker> like a girl
<Metanot> firewall is normal a normal hacker has to be able to get past it...you girl^^
<He> Bitch give yourself a jackson and chill you're letting them provoce you and give those little
girls new material all the time
<bitchchecker> turn the firewall off then i send you a virus [Please control your cussing]er
<Elch> Noo
<Metanot> he bitchchecker why turn it off, you should turn it off
<bitchchecker> you're afraid
<bitchchecker> i don't wanna hack like this if he hides like a girl behind a fire wall
<bitchchecker> elch turn off your shit wall!
<Metanot> i wanted to say something about this, do you know the definition of hacking??? if he turns
of the firewall that's an invitation and that has nothing to do with hacking
<bitchchecker> shut up
<Metanot> lol
<bitchchecker> my grandma surfs with fire wall
<bitchchecker> and you suckers think you're cool and don't dare going into the internet without a
fire wall
<Elch> bitchchecker, a colleague showed me how to turn the firewall off. Now you can try again
<Metanot> bitchhacker can't hack
<Black<TdV>> nice play on words ^^
<bitchchecker> wort man
<Elch> bitchchecker: I'm still waiting for your attack!
<Metanot> how many times again he is no hacker
<bitchchecker> man do you want a virus
<bitchchecker> tell me your ip and it deletes your hard drive
<Metanot> lol ne give it up i'm a hacker myself and i know how hackers behave and i can tell you
100.00% you're no hacker..^^
<Elch> 127.0.0.1
<Elch> it's easy
<bitchchecker> lolololol you so stupid man you'll be gone
<bitchchecker> and are the first files being deleted
<Elch> mom...
<Elch> i'll take a look
<bitchchecker> don't need to rescue you can't son of a bitch
<Elch> that's bad
<bitchchecker> elch you idiout your hard drive g: is deleted
<Elch> yes, there's nothing i can do about it
<bitchchecker> and in 20 seconds f: is gone
<bitchchecker> tupac rules
<bitchchecker> elch you son of a bitch your f: is gone and e: too
<bitchchecker> and d: is at 45% you idiot lolololol
<He> why doesn't meta say anything
<Elch> he's probably rolling on the floor laughing
<Black<TdV>> ^^
<bitchchecker> your d: is gone
<He> go on BITCH
<bitchchecker> elch man you're so stupid never give your ip on the internet
<bitchchecker> i'm already at c: 30 percent
* bitchchecker (~java@euirc-9ff3c180.dip.t-dialin.net) Quit (Ping timeout#)


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Top Computer Jokes That Will Make You Laugh

Today I was feeling lazy and read some computer related jokes to pass my time. Here I am posting few of the jokes that will make you laugh all the time you read.

ENGINEERS AND ACCOUNTANTS. A novel approach to saving money.

Three engineers and three accountants are traveling by train to a conference. At the station, the three accountants each buy tickets and watch as the three engineers buy only a single ticket.

"How are three people going to travel on only one ticket?" asks an accountant.

"Watch and you'll see," answers an engineer.

They all board the train. The accountants take their respective seats but all three engineers cram into a restroom and close the door behind them. Shortly after the train has departed, the conductor comes around collecting tickets. He knocks on the restroom door and says, "Ticket, please."

The door opens just a crack and a single arm emerges with a ticket in hand. The conductor takes it and moves on.

The accountants saw this and agreed it was quite a clever idea. So after the conference, the accountants decide to copy the engineers on the return trip and save some money (being clever with money, and all that). When they get to the station, they buy a single ticket for the return trip. To their astonishment, the engineers don't buy a ticket at all.

"How are you going to travel without a ticket?" says one perplexed accountant.

"Watch and you'll see," answers an engineer.

When they board the train the three accountants cram into a restroom and the three engineers cram into another one nearby. The train departs. Shortly afterward, one of the engineers leaves his restroom and walks over to the restroom where the accountants are hiding. He knocks on the door and says, Ticket, please."

An artist, a lawyer, and a computer scientist

An artist, a lawyer, and a computer scientist are discussing the merits of a mistress. The artist tells of the passion, the thrill which comes with the risk of being discovered. The lawyer warns of the difficulties. It can lead to guilt, divorce, bankruptcy. Not worth it. Too many problems. The computer scientist says "It's the best thing that's ever happened to me. My wife thinks I'm with my mistress. My mistress thinks I'm home with my wife, and I can spend all night on the computer!"

Only Errors, No Warnings

A man is smoking a cigarette and blowing smoke rings into the air. His girlfriend becomes irritated with the smoke and says, “Can’t you see the warning on the cigarette pack? Smoking is hazardous to your health!”

To which the man replies, “I am a programmer. We don’t worry about warnings; we only worry about errors.”


Speed Of New Super Computers

Have you heard about the new Cray super computer? It’s so fast, it executes an infinite loop in 6 seconds.

Two types of people

There are two types of people in this world: those who understand recursion and those who don’t understand that there are two types of people in this world:

Gates and Marc Andressen In Heaven
Bill Gates and Marc Andressen (from Netscape for those who don’t know) die and go to heaven. Peter meets them and announces that they will get stabbed with a needle for each major bug in their browser software. First it’s Marc’s Turn: “In Navigator 1.0 there was a big security hole” PRICK! “In Navigator 1.1 you couldn’t empty the cache” PRICK! Marc rubs his butt and looks around: “Where did Bill go?” Peter says in reply: “He’s just being clamped into the sewing machine…”


Note: All the jokes are taken from various online sources where I read them.


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MS Office Assistant Can Help You Suicide




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